Flushing away but still more shit

As of Monday, a full 5 days after we alerted our douchebag landlord to our toilet woes (and a full 48 hrs longer than he had, legally, to fix it) we were back in business, bathroom-wise. But the shitstorm that has plagued us since we moved here has yet to abate--that douchebag (perhaps I should just start referring to him as the DBLL) got so stressed and pissed about all the money he's spent over the last few months fixing up his house that he's passing that stress on to us, in the form of trying to evict our roommate, Miss D.

We told him she'd moved in and he was fine with it, but after they happened upon each other for the first time in the alleyway (right after she got fired from her shitty job) he decided to use the fact that we hadn't submitted that information in writing to fuck with us. In fact, he pretty much threatened to kick us all out. Yay for crazy DBLLs!

We're giving it a few days to blow over, and then we're going to send him a diplomatic email and make our case for Miss D staying. Of course, the larger issue is whether we should stay--who knows when that crazy fuck is going to hassle us again?

In other poopy news, Belle (aka Devil Dog) had an upset stomach yesterday and took a huge runny dump on the stairs, which I wouldn't mention except that after I'd walked her down those stairs (thinking "what is that smell?") with her, somehow managing neither to see or step in it, even though it was huge and right in the middle of the step. It wasn't until Miss D joined us downstairs and mentioned it that I realized how lucky I'd somehow been.

(what kind of pollyanna am I, reporting how happy I am not to have stepped in dog shit, even though I did have to scrub it out of the carpet? Silver lining, folks)

Anyhoo, in more pleasant-smelling news, I'm writing this post from Little Morocco, the hooka bar/restaurant down the street from our (current) domain. Mr. Man and I noticed they had falafel a few weeks ago, which was very exciting for us, since most of the restaurants in our hood are pizza joints. He came first, alone, for takeout, but both of us enjoyed the same first experience here--the super friendly, proud owner gave us a tour to the upstairs, which has kind of an Eastern, rumpus-room flavor--it's all satin-y and pillow-y and hooka-y. Right now, I'm up here alone, digesting what was a delicious falafel, enjoying the faint aroma of flavored tobacco, taking advantage of the free WiFi and as usual, pretending to be working. In the back of my mind, I'm having fantasies about harem girls and boys. Ahhh. Unfortunately, the connection's a little slow. Can't have everything.

By the way, I'm sure my gorgeous and clever readers noticed the new widget I've placed (all by myself, y'all) at the bottom of my sidebar. I've just started reading Hightower's new book and I'm so excited, because as a radical queer femme, I've often fought with myself internally over my love for old cowboys, so many of whom are red-necky and sexist and homophobic. Jim Hightower, though, has that cowboy sensibility but takes a much more informed political stance--but he's still got that cute old cowboy vibe, you know? Anyhoo, I thought it'd be fun to watch the time run out on that dumbfuck president of ours together. Enjoy!

"That's not good."

Pardon my undying (even in the face of incredible un-funnyness) love for the pun. Mr. Man and I had an insanely shitty day today. Literally.

It started first thing this morning with the toilet backing up on Mr. Man. Yuck!

Then, I took the dog out to poop and there was a hole in the bag and I didn't see it before I stuck my thumb in dog doo. Dammit!

Then, I got to hang out and watch our douche bag of a landlord plunge the toilet. He was all dressed up (in black slacks, a black mock turtleneck and dark green sports coat) and he didn't even take his jacket off to plunge so that made it kind of funny but it doesn't make up for the fact that he's a douche and anyway, it didn't work.

I should mention that the kitchen sink is draining slow and the pipe outside, that all of our wastewater clearly flows out (it's directly below and outside of the bathroom) was leaking, and Mr. Man had called our douchebag landlord and told him about it, and he didn't believe him (and blew me off when I brought it up, plunger in hand, today).

Anyway, he called a plumber and took off, and when the guy (who was a cute kid, actually, and btw Mr. Man, I forgot to tell you that he loved Bitsy) finally showed up, he looked around and when I told him about the pipe outside, he of course wanted to check it out, so after showing him our poop-filled toilet, I led him through our embarrassingly messy boudoir, and sent him out the window and down the fire escape, which is the only route to the backyard (yay row houses!)

I sat in the windowsill and smoked a cigarette and watched him. He started knocking off some of the insulation that is wrapped around the bottom 6 ft or so of the ancient pipe, and when he did, almost immediately, the pipe sprung leaks that shot straight out from it, and the poor guy had to run for fucking cover.

"That's not good."

"No shit." (again, I apologize)

So, tomorow'll be another shitty morning with the landlord and because he thought the kid's estimate was too high (easy to think when you're not the one having to get creative about finding places to poo) another plumber. We're thinking that now that we got ourselves a Hummer, we oughta just spring for one of those fancy condos (wink).

Know what else is shitty? Madonna's new video. I haven't listened to or followed Madonna in a long time, but I was excited about this video because she was supposedly going to "save the world in 4 minutes." Save the world my ass--what is that shit.

omg I almost forgot to mention the last poop story of the day--what a crazy shitty day--you kind of have to laugh and wonder what the fuck the universe is trying to tell you. I met Mr. Man this evening at the opening night of the Transmodern Festival, and in the middle of some experimental theatre that frankly went on a little way too long, one of the characters was a turd. Seriously. WTF?