For the first time in many, many years, this Mouthy Femme (would it be strange for me to start referring to myself in the 3rd person as "the MF?") has joined a club. In fact, I don't know that I've ever been in a club. I "started" a few clubs throughout my awkward years with groups of friends, but we just hung out in their basements or wherever and I don't ever remember them going as far as a second meeting. I might have been in the ski club for awhile in high school, but I only went to one meeting ever, and on one ski trip.
So this is kind of big news.
Perhaps even more strange, the club puts on shows and most of the members perform in them. In spite of having performed in some plays as a child, and mostly enjoyed it very much, I don't really identify as an "artist," let alone an "actor."
But the members of the club are adorable, and the shows are awesome (ok I've only seen one, but it was awesome) and I've never had much of a queer community (the queer community being pretty small, and being "queer" being so different than being "gay" and as a queer femme, often not being read as queer--or not queer enough, especially having partnered w/men in the past) and they didn't care that I don't identify as a "lesbian" or an "actor." They just let me show up to their meeting, and now I'm a Kitty.
I'm not going to be performing anytime soon, but I will be appearing in costume at the next show. I'll leave you to wonder.
I'm not sure that I'll ever get on stage, but it's not outside the realm of possibilities. I'm definitely looking forward to hanging out with the ladies (and the trannies and even the straight boys w/queer aesthetics--the Kitties are not Michigan), and am grateful to the two who recruited me for being so sweet about it.
If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be in a lesbian performance troupe, I woulda said you were crazy. But then, until I met Mr. Man, the thought never ever crossed my mind that I would ever wind up in Baltimore. But here I am. And even though I miss New York and I miss Oly and I miss Montana, the Charm seems to be offering up some pretty interesting doors for both him and me, and maybe because it's kinda small, or maybe because the last few places I've lived have been so competitive, but it seems like everything we want to do is not just possible, but easy. Maybe I'm just finally realizing that they're easy. (Though in this case, I think I'm only now remembering that want to be social and maybe to act--I think I forgot I liked it after I realized I was never going to be a movie star.)
This kind of weird, unexpected twist in life gives me a funny kind of light feeling in my chest, almost giddy and like I'm in the right place, doing the right thing, following some invisible thread that leads me to the quirky joys and amazing people in my life.
Yay.
Come to think of it, thank fucking goodness my life doesn't look like I imagined back when I was hanging out with those girls in the basement--I'd be married w/children, possibly Mormon, and an ER doctor (or a movie star). My real life has been waaay more amusing than anything I ever would've thought.
